Physics Jokes / Recent Jokes

That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd still sleep through it. That I could change so much and barely realize it That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. No matter how 'cool' you were in high school, no one here cares. That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up. That every clock on campus shows a different time. That if you were smart in high school, so what? It doesn't matter here. That I would go to a party the night before a final. That Chem. Labs/Art studios take up more time than all my other classes put together. That you can know everything and fail a test. That you can know nothing and ace a test. That I could get used to almost anything found out about my roommate. That most of my education would be obtained outside of class. That friendship is more than getting drunk together. That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me about That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination. That more...

(If any of these are not original, please blame it on my Commerce 335 professor,
Dr. Yair Wand. Otherwise, all humour can be attributed to him as the source.)
A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised
tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those
interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class.
Students were quick to comment on the professor's genetics. Well, one day a
student entered through the front doors of the lecture hall, while the prof was
writing notes on the chalkboard. The professor caught the student out of the
corner of his eye (this acute sense of peripheral vision, further supported the
rumours of his evolution), and turned to face the student. He demanded, "What
do you think you're doing?" Being a science student, one naturally thinks
quickly, so the student snapped up and replied, "I came down from the back to
get more...

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were each given the following problem to solve.A school dance floor included a straight line down the middle dividing the floor in two equal halves. Boys were lined up against one wall and girls against the opposite wall, each facing the centre line. They were instructed to advance in stages towards the centre line every ten seconds, where the distance from the person to the centre line at each stage is equal to one-half the distance at the past stage.i.e.: If the starting distance from the wall to centre line was D, the progressive series of distances at t = 0, 10 seconds, 20 seconds...10n seconds to the centre line is (D, D/2, D/4, D/8,. ....D/2n)The question is, when will they meet at the middle?The mathematician said that they would never meet. The physicist said they would meet when time equals infinity. The engineer said that in one minute they would be close enough for all practical purposes.

NO OFFENCE MEAN.........
Here is the reason. Why Newton Commited Suicide.....
Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his
head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in
physics
were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had
done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent
that
he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't
be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great
Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet
passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is
cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does?
He throws the knife at the middle more...

Here is the reason. Why Newton Committed Suicide.....


Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.

Here are a few scenes


1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!


2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. more...

TOKYO (AP) - The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is counter suing for defamation and loss of customers. The Asaka Beer Corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has made the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques. Hydrogen, like helium, is a gas lighter than air. Because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air, sound waves are transmitted more rapidly; individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high voice. Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic urbanites can now more...

Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards more...