Pickup Jokes / Recent Jokes

Guy: I hope I don't get a cake on my birthday.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because I wouldn't be able to blow the candles out.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because you just took my breath away!

(Hah Tu Spek Suthun)
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Va Tech Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
EARL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts earl in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor. more...

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
Y'ALL - noun. A degree of more...

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon
(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice,
has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene
pool.
And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... John
Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,
decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge,
Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the
parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.
The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan
was for John-100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his
friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on
the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found more...

NAME: ___________________________________ C.B. HANDLE: ____________________ ADDRESS: (R.F.D. - H.C.R.) _________________________________________________ DADDY (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects): _____________________________ MAMA: ______________________________________________________________________ NECK SHADE: ( ) LIGHT RED ( ) MEDIUM RED ( ) DARK RED NUMBER OF TEETH EXPOSED IN FULL GRIN: _______ UPPER: _______ LOWER: _______ MAKE OF PICKUP OWNED: _____________________ SIZE OF TIRES: ________________ NUMBER OF EMPTY BEER CANS ON FLOOR OF PICKUP: ______________________________ TRUCK EQUIPPED WITH: ( ) GUN RACK ( ) MUD FLAPS ( ) CAMPER TOP ( ) AIR HORN ( ) 8 TRACK ( ) 4 WHEEL DRIVE ( ) AMERICAN FLAG ( ) RUST ( ) FUZZ BUSTER ( ) LOAD OF WOOD ( ) HIJACK SHOCKS ( ) MUD TIRES ( ) SPITTOON ( ) RUNNING BOARDS ( ) C.B. ANTENNAS ( ) ROLL BAR BUMPER STICKERS: ( ) HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY ( ) HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS ( ) ALMOST HEAVEN, BUCKSPORT ( ) SNATCH KISSES AND VICE VERSA ( ) OLD FART ( ) more...

A large oil field in Oklahoma suffers a disaster in the form of a huge rig
fire. The foreman, desperate to curtail the blaze, thumbs through the phone
book for Red Adair's number (Red is a famous oil-firefighter). Foreman finds
the number, calls, and is told that Red is unavailable, since he's fighting an
off-shore rig fire in Southern California.
Desperate, the foreman returns to the book and finds, listed under Red Adair,
a "Red ," advertising rig fire services at $100 per
hour. Since this is CONSIDERABLY cheaper than Adair anyway, the guy calls and
describes the situation. He is assured that someone will be on the scene
within the hour.
True to his word, within 45 minutes the foreman sees a vehicle approaching the
scene of the blaze at top speed. As it gets closer, he notes that it is a
grungy '68 pickup, with a load of JEDRs in the back. Without slowing,
the pickup drives directly into the middle of the fire, everyone more...

A successful, wealthy and very arrogant bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault...
"YOU STUPID REDNECK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contempt at the redneck in his dirty overalls.
"Now how am I gonna get outa this?" though the redneck to himself. Then he had an idea...
After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1,000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back.
He handed it to the hotshot and said, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves....IT'S more...