Pig Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why isnt there a Superpig? Its too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.
Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he ask, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"
"Well Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"
"And the boar tore up his leg?"
"No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and' fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved' em all!"
"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"
"No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the more...
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let`s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don`t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn`t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn`t the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on more...
Why cant there be a Santa Pig? Pigs dont fit in chimneys.
So, a guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company There's plenty of
food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright--but after a few months he gets
"lonely", if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive--soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time
this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his
leg. very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy,
cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore
and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back to health. Finally she is well enough to walk
and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay
you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name more...
What happens when you cross a pig with a family court judge?
Nothing. There are some things a pig just won’t do.
What’s the difference between a dead skunk and a dead family court judge in the road?
Vultures will eat the skunk.
You’re trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a family law judge. Your gun has only two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the judge. Twice.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of the Court of Appeal judges on them. .. and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Your family court judge and your ex-mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You have time to save only one of them. Do you have lunch or go to a movie?