Pill Jokes / Recent Jokes
Have you heard about the new orgasm pill just approved by the FDA for women? It comes with a 16 inch applicator
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
“Boss”, he said, ” The pill actually worked! ”
“That’s all fine” said the boss, ” But where were you yesterday? ”
How To Give Your Cat a Pill 1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If more...
How To Give Your Cat a Pill
1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.
2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)
5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.
6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
7. If more...
Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said "Please give me aprescription for the Pill." "I don't think you need the Pill at your age." "It relaxes me." "But you know the' purpose' of the Pill. It's not forrelaxing," exclaimed the physician." I know," said Mrs Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and everymorning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feelmore relaxed.
Big chiefs wife goes to see the tribe doctor.
She tells him "Doctor, Big Chief, no fart" "Ahh" says the Doctor "take this tablet to him and tell him to stick it up his bum then come back in one week". So off she goes. All well and done, she returns a week later. "Doctor, Big Chief still no fart. "Hmmm I see" he says."Here, take this pill and do as you did last week". With that the Doctor hands her a pill the size of a matchbox. A week soon passes and she returns. "Doctor big chief still no-fucking fart"."Oh I see", says doctor, "Here take this and repeat the process" The Doctor hands her a tennis ball sized pill.The wife goes home to her flatulated spouse. She does as is told and returns to see the doctor the following morning looking rather bewildered. The doctor sits her down and asks her to report the outcome. After countless sobs she blurts out "Doctor, Big fart no fucking Chief".
What pill would you give to an elephant that cant sleep? Trunkquilizers!