Pillow Jokes / Recent Jokes

Feeling the Baby Move
First Child: I placed my hand on my wife's tummy every
chance I could for two months waiting for that first time when I could
feel the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment,
when I felt this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell
them about the blessed experience.
Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called
me at the office. I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included
the experience in all of our letters to our family.
Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I
would check it out during the next commercial break. I missed out because
her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night
football. By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.
Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to
sleep. I turned to her and said "Can't you make your tummy stay still? I'm
trying to sleep." When it more...

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. Greeting him the Lord says, “You’ve lived a good life. If there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know. ”
The cat thinks for a minute and says “Well, all my life I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor…” The Lord stops the cat and says “Say no more! ” Just then a wonderful fluffy pillow appears and the cat contentedly wanders off to find a good place to nap.
A few days later six mice killed in a tragic farming accident go to heaven. The Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer: “All of our lives we’ve been chased. We’ve had to run from cats, from tractors, even from that farmer’s wife with her broom. We’re tired of running…” “Say no more! ” The Lord replies. In a flash, eachmouse is fitted with a beautiful new pair of roller skates, and they skate happily off to explore the Heavenly more...

One night a man was going to bed with his wife.He put an extra pillow on his pillow.His wife asked:"Why are you putting two pillows under your head" and he replied:"Because I haven't slept for two nights!".

Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together. They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more". They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.
The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a. m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come. But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.
Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and questioned: "Why didn't you come to our date?"
Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me to go..."

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can? t take it with you. ”

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases.

He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer? s wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that darned old fool, ” she exclaimed. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement. ”

An old lawyer found out one day he had inoperable cancer. He was known as something of a miser, and he was determined to work until he drew his last breath. One day, a colleague came to office.

"You really shouldn't waste your last days working," he said. "After all, you know what they say:' You can't take it with you.'"

"The hell I can't," replied the old lawyer, who, right then and there, devised a plan by which he could take at least some of it with him. He went home that evening and told his wife, "Martha, I want you to go down to the bank and withdraw as much money as you can stuff into two large pillow cases. Then put them in the attic directly over the bed. That way, when I die, as my soul rises toward heaven, I can reach out and grab the money."

Martha did as she was told. A couple of weeks later, the lawyer died in his sleep. After the funeral, Martha was clearing some items out of the attic when she more...

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.

Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.

Mrs. Mueller is first.

"What do you wish for yourself?"

"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."

"Okay, that shall be granted to you."

Mrs. Mueller has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few more...