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Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows' 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the more...

Unleash the Power of Shift!
Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A: Nope, they’re the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean “up”, as in “look up at the screen”. Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.

Q: What happens if I press both shift keys?
A: Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author’s Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it’s your computer, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Q: My religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
A: more...

Banta`s driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.
When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there`s hardly standing room anywhere.
Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.
When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he`s ever had right there in the hole.
Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.
"What happened!?!" says Banta.
The bartender responds "Where were you when the shit hit more...

A Rabbi walks into a bar to use the restroom. He walks up to the bartender,
and asks "Can I please use the restroom?" The place was hoppin' with music, and
dancin', till they saw the Rabbi. The bartender says, "I really don't think you
should."
The Rabbi again, asks, "Can I please use the restroom?" Well, the
bartender says to the Rabbi, "I really don't think you should, you see, there
is a statue of a beautiful naked lady, and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"
The Rabbi responded with, "Nonsense a man of my stature will not be bothered by
that statue!" Well, the bartender showed the Rabbi the door at the top of the
stairs.
The Rabbi proceeded to the restroom, and after a few minutes, he came
back out, and the whole place was hoppin' with music and dancin' again! He went
to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand, when I came in here, the
place was hoppin' with music more...

Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good timeand ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractiveyoung man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him overto his place.They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, andproceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quiteconcerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parkedcars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reachJohnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceedsto smash into parked cars as he's parking his.As they got out of the car Johnny asked, "So Bob, do youlike my feminine side?"

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience." He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience." Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.