Planes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walked in to Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks' What's up?'

The man proceeds to explain he's taking a vacation to Rome.

'ROME?!' Joe says,' Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?'

'We're taking TWA,' the man replies.

'TWA?!' yells Joe.' They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late! So where you staying in Rome?'

The man says' We'll be at the downtown International Marriot.'

'That DUMP?!' says Joe.' That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they're overpriced! So whatcha doing when you get there?'

The man says' We're going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope.'

'HA! That's rich!' laughs Joe.' You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll more...

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip more...

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines fromKansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out thewindow, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs havebaby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planeshave baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of ananswer, told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boyasked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and bigcats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said that she had. She then said, "Tell your motherthat Southwest always pulls out on time."

They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."
No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

An american, a russian, and a dane was discussing the differences between their countries. Pretty soon the general talking turned into general bragging about how terrific their respective countries where.
The Russian said, "Our navy is so big, that if we all sailed out at once, it would cover every ocean in the world."
The American, not wanting to let the Russian get the better of him, continued, "Well, our Air Force is so big that if all of our planes took off at once we could cover the sky all over the world."
The Dane thought for a while then said: "I once new a guy in Odense whose dick was so long that 17 parrots could sit on it at once."
They stood for a while not saying anything, until the Russian decided he might modify his bold statement a bit, "Well maybe the ships wouldn't cover ALL of the ocean."
The American, feeling the need for honesty as well said, "Well, maybe the planes wouldn't cover all of the sky more...

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome.
So, how are you getting there? ”
“We’re taking TWA, ” was the reply. “We got a great rate! ”
“TWA? ” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome? ”
“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott. ”
“That dump! That’s the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there? ”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope. ”
“That’s rich, ” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck more...

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT more...