Plump Jokes

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She now lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard more...

Twas the Night of Thanksgiving
But I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned -
The dark meat and white
But I fought the temptation
With all of my might

Tossing and turning
With anticipation
The thought of a snack
Became infatuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen,
Flung open the door
And gazed at the fridge,
Full of goodies galore.

Gobbled up turkey
And buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots,
Beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling
So plump and so round,
'Til all of a sudden,
I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling,
Floating into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding
And a handful of pie.

But, I managed to yell
As i soared past the trees....
Happy eating to all -
Pass the cranberries, please.

May your stuffing be more...

Valentine's Day Story John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She now lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was more...

'Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving,
But I Just Couldn't Sleep
I Tried Counting Backwards,
I Tried Counting Sheep.
The Leftovers Beckoned -
The Dark Meat And White
But I Fought The Temptation
With All Of My Might
Tossing And Turning
With Anticipation
The Thought Of A Snack
Became Infatuation.
So, I Raced To The Kitchen,
Flung Open The Door
And Gazed At The Fridge,
Full Of Goodies Galore.
I Gobbled Up Turkey
And Buttered Potatoes,
Pickles And Carrots,
Beans And Tomatoes.
I Felt Myself Swelling!
So Plump And So Round,
'til All Of A Sudden,
I Rose Off The Ground.
I Crashed Through The Ceiling,
Floating Into The Sky
With A Mouthful Of Pudding
And A Handful Of Pie.
But, I Managed To Yell
As I Soared Past The Trees....
Happy Eating To All -
Pass The Cranberries, Please.
May Your Stuffing Be Tasty,
May Your Turkey Be Plump.
May Your Potatoes 'n Gravy
Have more...