Pocket Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch.
A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough.
The bartender said, “I’ve got to ask you - what’s with the pocket business? ”
The man replied, “I have my lawyer’s picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I’ve had enough. ”

There was a man who was playing golf and put three golf balls in his pocket.
When another man came up and asked him what was in his pocket, the first guy said, "Golf balls."
Then the second guy asked, "Is that like tennis elbow?"

One day, little Tommy wanders into the local brothel, dragging a dead frog on a piece of string along behind him (FX: thud thud thud etc.) He goes up to the woman at the front and says "Please, Miss, I'd like a girl please." "Go home, sonny" replies the proprietor, not unkindly, "you're too young yet for this."
Tommy reaches into his pocket and drags out a $50 note which he slaps on the desk and beams brightly. "Up the stairs, 3rd door on the right" comes the reply as the $50 vanishes.
Tommy starts to climb the stairs, (Thud thud etc.) when he runs back again. "I forgot, this girl has got to have active herpes!" he cries. "No way kid, all our girls are clean!" Tommy reaches into the other pocket and another $50 appears. "Ahh, last door on the left..." he is told. Tommy climbs the stairs, still dragging the dead frog on the string (thud thud thud), and some time later reappears. He waves to the woman at the more...

What would you do if you had a condum with a holein it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them.

a boy walked to school and on his way there he found a pile of rabbit turds. the boy slipped the turds into his pocket.
the boy went to the school house and sat at his desk.he would act like he was slipping the turds into his mouth but was really slipping them into his pocket.
a girl beside him asked wat he was taking and the boy responded " im taking get smart pills"
the little girl says " well get smart pills give me some of those. the boy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a turd and gave it to the girl. the girl slipped it into her mouth and screamed " this taste like poopy" and the boy responds "look ur already getting smarter.

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?""Somebody elses pants."

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I
noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware. He too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses,
busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had
to ask, "Why the spoons?"
"Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after months of
statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons
per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time. . . nearly 1. 5 extra man-hours per shift." more...