Point Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means more...

Here's a handy list to print out and carry with you at all times. Next time ya rip one and someone asks, "what was that?", you can now explain!

Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odour.

Eggy Fart Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.

Windy Fart The sort of fart which goes' Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.

Growling Fart Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.

Worrying Fart The kind which seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage more...

Micro was a real-time operator and a dedicated multi-user. His broadband
protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output
devices, even if it meant time-sharing.
One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked
his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that
morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy
wheels in his garden. He though to himself, "She looks user-friendly.
I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."
He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin 32 bit
floating point processors, and inquired, "How are you, Honeywell?"
"Yes, I am well," she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and
smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.
Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-alone
tonight," he said. "How about computing a vector to my more...

These three strings go into a bar and order a martini. One string
notices a horse with a sign that says, "Make me laugh, make me cry, win
$1000" on it. Meanwhile, a bell starts ringing in the clock tower overhead,
and suddenly there is a loud thud as a body falls to the street in
front of the bar. "I'm a Frayed Knot!" screams one enraged string at
the bartender, and then disappears. Kant leaves via the back door. The
other string stands in front of the horse and pulls down his pants. It
isn't clear at this point why the horse is wearing pants.
The Inspector walks in the front door and says to no one in particular,
"I can't remember his name, but his face rings a bell." Several dozen
customers instinctively stab their F keys. The remaining string gulps
down the rest of his martini and says, "And at these prices, you're not
likely to see many more!"
At the table in the back, the Doctor looks more...

Political speeches are like a steer: A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?
A: A mad scientist.
Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
A: The warning label.
Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?
A: Successive approximations.
Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to:
Divide
ROUND
RANDOM
On a Pentium, all of the above
A: Number 4.
Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)
Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.
Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for more...

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition. Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali." The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi." This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta." Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana." Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit." Replied the other, "Santa." A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer." Santa responded, "Sagittarius."