Point Jokes / Recent Jokes

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this:Me: HelloAT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T.Me: OK, hold on.At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes sir.Me: I more...

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.

The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.

At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approched the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).

The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.

The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!".

Pleased to inform customers that the YorkshireBank are now installing the Next Generation of new "Drive-thru" cash point machines: Customers will in future be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to you (Male Or Female).
Please remember and follow these instructions when you use the machine for the first time.
MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6 Turn the more...

None. "We'll document it in the manual."
None. It's a hardware problem.
1. 000000001.
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
Only one, but she's not available till the year 2000.
"The change is 90% complete."
"It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working."
Of course, as more...

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.
The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.
At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approched the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).
The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.
The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!".

These are some memos found in the trash behind the primary building of
the FBI (Federal Bureau of Incompetents) in Washington, D.C. They're
probably classified information, and possession of them on your computer
system no doubt is considered a federal offense. Enjoy!
>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2x3276
>Sir:
This small Wacko cult isn't giving in. Do you have any instructions?
Agent 2x3276
>To: ATF Agent 2x3276
>From: FBI Director William Sessions
>Agent:
Try playing "Feelings" over and over again 24 hours a day. That should
get the point across.
The Director
>To: FBI Director William Sessions
>From: ATF Agent 2x3276
>Sir:
Thank you for the suggestion. Unfortunately, playing "Feelings" over
and over again 24 hours a day has succeeded only in convincing the Wacko folks
that the end of the world is at hand. They're a bit less cooperative now.
Any more more...

You might be a child of the 80's if...... you have deep, personal relationships via computer with people you've never met in real life.... the phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis.... you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song.... not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your attention.... you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder form, thankyouverymuch.... you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade and sexual orientation.... the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.... you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was called "Battlestar Galactica".... songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.... three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?... you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television wasn't an expensive more...