Politically Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes and schedules for the upcoming season:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day.
Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Uninvited Guests, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People.
The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey, while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the Phoenix Male Finches.
The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden.
The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9.
And the more...
“Twas the night before Christmas”
(Politically Correct)
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck.
How to live in a world - that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to Elves,
Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and that looked darned stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. P. A.
And people had started to ring for the cops
When they heard loud noises upon their rooftops.
Secondhand smoke from his pipe had workers all frightened.
His fur-trimmed red more...
How to Speak About Women and Be Politically Correct 1. She is not a Babe or a Chick - She is a Breasted American. 2. She is not a Screamer or Moaner - She is Vocally Appreciative. 3. She is not Easy - She is Horizontally Accessible. 4. She does not Tease or Flirt - She engages in Artificial Stimulation. 5. She is not Dumb - She is a Detour Off The Information Superhighway. 6. She has not Been Around - She is a Previously Enjoyed Companion. 7. She does not Get You Excited - She causes Temporary Blood Displacement. 8. She is not Kinky - She is a Creative Caretaker. 9. She does not have a Killer Body - She is Terminally Attactive. 10. She is not an Airhead - She is Reality Impaired. 11. She does not get Drunk or Tipsy - She gets Chemically Inconvenienced. 12. She is not Horny - She is Sexually Focused. 13. She does not have Breast Implants - She is Medically Enhanced. 14. She does not Nag You - She becomes Verbally Repetitive. 15. She is not a Slut - She is Sexually Extroverted. 16. She more...
Politically Correct Feminine Terminology from aperreat@saunix. sau. edu: Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that youwould offend the person standing near you?... NOT. Well, if you are, thenhere are some alternatives to some popular phrases. I found them on a poster, but I don't remember which one. She is not: An airheadShe is: Reality ImpairedShe is not: A Bleached BlondShe is: Peroxide DependantShe is not: A babe or chickShe is: A Breasted AmericanShe does not have: Major league hootersShe is: Pectorally SuperiorShe does not have: A Great TanShe is: Pigmentally EnhancedYou do not want to: Score or pick her upYou want to: Attempt a Horizontal EncounterShe is not: A perfect 10She is: Numerically SuperiorShe does not have: A great buttShe has: A Superior PosteriorIf she does not want to get: Married or hitchedShe does not want: Domestic IncarcerationShe is not: Half nakedShe is: Wardrobe ImpairedShe does not have: A perfect bodyShe is: Anatomically GiftedShe is more...
How to be politically correct with womenShe is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE. She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She more...
The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes and schedules for the' 99 season:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on in week 5. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Uninvited Guests, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
In Week 6, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey, while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the Phoenix Male Finches.
The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. And the more...
Here's the first installment of politically correct TV shows coming up in the fall TV season, complete with ratings supplied by Big Brother (offensive to the politically correct):
Sunday night:
"Mystery, She Wrote":
Cabot Cove is engulfed by a wave of anonymous charitable gifts. The mayor asks Jessica to investigate so the donors can be honored in a public ceremony. Ratings: S/MU, ALG.
[See ratings at the end of this listing.]
"The Sunday Night Movie: Blowing Up in Beverly Hills":
A made-for-TV movie based on an actual event. After two troubled siblings (real-life brothers Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen) contemplate murdering their wealthy but insensitive parents, they decide instead to go to court. While attending mandatory therapy, the family explores and heals deep-seated conflicts. Inspired by the trial of Lyle and Erik Menendez. Dr. Goodfellow: Alan Alda. First of two parts. Ratings: S/MU, VATCOT, RPSE.
"Married... Happily more...