Pope Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically, they all died and went to the pearly gates together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen." St. Peter was fretting, "Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready. We can't take you in just yet and we can't send you back." Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for' em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. I'll owe you one." Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. BUT..... Two days later... "Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and more...
On his tour to the U. S., the Pope visited a couple who had been childless for six years, try as they might to have a baby. The Pope promised to light a candle for them at the Vatican. A decade later, the Pope returned and dropped in on the couple again and found nine children romping around the house. Congratulating the wife on her fruitfulness, the Pope looked around and asked, "But where is your husband?" "Jim?" the haggard woman said. "Oh, he went to Rome to blow out that candle!"
What's the difference between the Pope and your boss?
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing".
Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Baltimore Orioles have in common?
A: They both walk around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together?
Yup, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna ride all the 3-year-olds!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson.
If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest!
Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
A: By all the Big Wheels parked in his driveway.
And finally, I found out why Michael has cut down on public appearances...
He wants to more...
Also, stuffing is economic reform and crackers are still the Body of Christ.
A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread.... ’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken.... ’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church. ”
The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed. ”
“Well, ” says the Tyson man, “we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread.... ’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken.... ’”
Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed. ”
Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer
from ‘give us this day our daily bread... ’ to ‘give us more...
Once a Pope and a lawyer died and they went to heaven. So God came and said,' Follow me and I will give you your rooms.'
So they both followed. First God gave the Pope his room. It was very small with a small bed and a small desk.
'Thank you, thank you my lord,' said the Pope. Then God gave the lawyer his room, it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and pretty woman.
'Mr. God, why do you give all this to me and just that small room to the Pope?'' Well, popes, we have them by the dozens, and lawyers, well, your the first one.'