Pope Jokes / Recent Jokes
The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to more...
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent' Easy Reading' to the original script. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library.
The Angels come running in only to find the Pope huddled in his chair, crying to himself, and muttering,' An' R'! The scribes left out the' R'.'
A particularly concerned Angel takes him aside, offering comfort, and asks him what the problem is and what does he mean. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again,' It's the letter' R'. They left out the' R'. The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!'
On Sunday, the Pope held Mass at New York’s Yankee Stadium, and was called “out” at 2nd base. The Pope responded: “Damn, I never make it to 2nd base.”
A Dutch sex shop will be giving away free “Pope condoms.” Make sense, this Pope is kinda like a condom-- really good at covering up indecent things.
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An' R'! They left out the' R'." God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter' R'. .. the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? Its crowded & dirty and full of Italians. Youre crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?""Were taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!""TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "Thats a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and theyre always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?""Well be at the downtown International Marriott.""That dump! Thats the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and theyre overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?""Were going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.""Thats rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. Hell look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. Youre more...