Presley Jokes

I dreamt last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. I asked him that since I arrived in Heaven if I could take a look around the place. St. Peter agreed, and even came along with me to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beast you could ever, ever imagine. It was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow. We asked Willie why he was chained to this awful creature.
Willie replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I'm chained to this really ugly old thing as penance."
We wished President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on. A while later we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was more...

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley Wedding
10. Family to the left, plastic surgeons to the right.
9. She could've used a little more of his eye-liner.
8. I bet they didn't have to get married.
7. I'll have to ask you to check your snake at the door, La Toya.
6. I'm sorry, I can't find a Brooke Shields on the guest list, ma'am.
5. There's that strange whirring sound again - as if some deceased rock star were spinning in his grave.
4. I got you some his and hers towels. Split 'em up however you like.
3. I'm Mr. Tito Jackson. You mean Dr. Tito Jackson? Yes I am.
2. Ahhh! The ghost of Elvis is eating all the cake - oh, it's just Liz Taylor.
1. I just heard on the weather channel - hell froze over.

Anna Nicole Smith, in attempting to find out more about her son's death, has hired the same pathologist who consulted in the death investigations of Jonbenet Ramsey and Elvis Presley.
It turns out her son was killed by Jonbenet's parents on Elvis Presley's toilet. (With the candlestick. Am I right?)


PS How about a new "Clue" for modern times? Forget Miss Scarlet and Professor Plum. OJ and Robert Blake. Celebrity Clue is on! They just need to start killing people with some new household items. Blender anyone?

Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley split up? He wanted children and she didn't want to get a sex change.

TMZ has learned Priscilla Presley is the victim of a botched cosmetic procedure performed by Dr. Daniel Serrano. Serrano injected industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lubricate auto parts into Pricilla Presley's face.

Priscilla Presley's new face should last three months or 3,000 smiles--whichever comes first.