Pretty Jokes / Recent Jokes

So there are three golfers, (Bob, Max, and Ted) who are looking for a
fourth. Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so
they decide to invite him for the following Saturday.
"Sure, I'd love to play," says George, "but I may be about ten minutes
late, so wait for me."
So Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9:00,
and find George already waiting for them. He plays right-handed, and
beats them all. Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if
he'd like to play again the following Saturday.
"Yeah, sounds great," says George. "But I may be about ten minutes
late, so wait for me."
The following Saturday, again, all four golfers show up on time, but
this time George plays left-handed, and beats them all. As they're
getting ready to leave, George says:
"See you next Saturday. But I may be about ten minutes late, so wait
for more...

Before the first day of school, one day, a boy went and laid on top of Beverly Hills and watchd the sunrise. He loved the pretty sight, and was late to school. "Where were you?" asked the mad teacher. "I laid on top of Beverly Hills and watched the sunrise."
The next day, another boy went and laid on top of Beverly Hills and watched the sunrise. He was also late for class. The angry teacher said, "Why are you late Mister?"
"Oh shit!" the boy said. "I was layin' atop a pretty Bev'ly Hills, and watched the sunrise!
The next day, a girl came into the classroom late. The furious teacher said, "Lemme guess, you laid on top of Beverly Hills, and watched the sunrise." The girl looked shocked. "What the fuck are you talking about? Beverly Hills is my best friend!"

Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people - many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women - ooops, "women and men" - we present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-." Following are their accounts .. Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was more...

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. After he gets his beer
he calls the bartender, and asks him if he's a gambling man.
"It depends," replies the bartender.
"What if I told that I have $100 that says I can bite my own
ear?"
"Bulls@#t!"
So the man takes out his false teeth, and clamps them onto his
ear.
The bartender was pretty P. O. d when he saw that, but he still
gave him the $100.
Then the man tells the bartender that it really wasn't fair of
him to make that bet, since the bartender didn't realize that he had
false teeth, so he offers the bartender a chance to win back his money.
He offers the bartender double or nothing that he can bite his own eye
without removing his false teeth.
"Sure," agrees the bartender, thinking to himself,' there's no
way anybody can bite their own eye.'
Then the man proceeds to remove his glass eye, and bites it.
The more...

(Washington DC): A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check - a forged check. He got 10 years.
(Virginia): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head - and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.
(Maryland): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole - are you ready for this? - the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
(Washington, DC): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he more...

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, andyoung George was pretty excited."Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George."George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined upat the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a niceorderly fashion." said Sam."Okay, I can do that." George answered. Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Samsaid and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few moreinstructions."Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end andyou can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle" said Sam."OK, OK, let's go!" said George."Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals willlet us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?"said Sam."Sure" more...

Astrology tells us about people and their future by their time, date and location of birth. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of a person's birth. Demographics tell us what others like, dislike, whom they voted for, as well as what they buy and what they watch on television. The Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by an individual's job title, people can pretty much learn about an employee's hidden personality traits.
MARKETING:
You are ambitious, yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES:
Laziest of all the Corporate Signs, often referred to as a "marketer without a degree". You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid all contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big more...