Prevent Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bristol Palin, the 18 year old daughter of Sarah Palin, visited the Today Show this morning with her baby son Tripp and her father Todd to promote the Eighth Annual National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.
Apparently Sarah Palin wanted to be there but she was off promoting the Eighth Annual National Day to Prevent Incompetence.

Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives. Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the Xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into the drive. more...

Three British educational institutions were commissioned by the
government to discover why the human penis is the shaped the way
it is.
Oxford University allocated a budget of $500, 000 for research.
After 2 years they concluded that the reason the head of the
penis is wider than the shaft is that it fits better, when in
situ, so to speak. This would prevent leakage of semen and
increase the probability of successful fertilization.
Cambridge University spent $750, 000 on a research program that
lasted 3 years. The results showed that the penis widened near
the tip because it maximized the number of nerve endings
stimulated during sex. This would lead to increased sensitivity
and a better chance of impregnation.
Finally, the Open University spent $2. 50 on a copy of Playboy and
10 minutes in the staff toilet, only to discover that the penis
widens at the tip in order to prevent your hand from slipping more...

A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde went on a trip to the desert.
They each brought one item for survival.
The red-head brought water. The blonde asked, "Why?" The red-head
replied, "To prevent us from dying of thirst."
The brunette brought food. The blonde asked, "Why?" The brunette
replied, "To prevent us from dying of hunger."
The blonde brought a car door. The red-head and brunette asked,
"Why?" The blonde replied, "To roll down the window if it gets hot."

Martha Stewart vs Me...
Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde went on a trip to the desert.They each brought one item for survival.The red-head brought water. The blonde asked, "Why?" The red-headreplied, "To prevent us from dying of thirst."The brunette brought food. The blonde asked, "Why?" The brunettereplied, "To prevent us from dying of hunger."The blonde brought a car door. The red-head and brunette asked,"Why?" The blonde replied, "To roll down the window if it gets hot."

Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Martha's way #3: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way #4: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's way #5: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, more...