Priest Jokes / Recent Jokes

This man had a parrot. This parrot knew only one sentence,
which was "Let's make love." The parrot said it all the time,
embarrassing the owner to no end.
Finally, he went to his parish priest and told him of his parrot
problem. The priest replied, "I have a parrot who also only knows
one sentence. He always says, "Let us pray." Bring your parrot over
Sunday after mass, and I'm sure your parrot will be praying by the
end of the day."
So, as directed, The owner brought the parrot over to the rectory
after mass. The parrot, spying the priest's parrot, opened his mouth
and blurted out, "Let's make love."
The priest's parrot closed his eyes, looked up at heaven and said,
"My prayers have been answered."

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.
A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this more...

A
drunken man staggered in to a Catholic church and sat
down in a confession box, saying nothing. The bewildered
priest coughed to attract his attention, but still the
man said nothing.
The priest then knocked on the wall three times in
a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally,
the drunk replied, "No use knockin', mate, there's
no paper in this one either."

A priest and a Nun were lost in the desert, riding on a camel. All of a sudden, the camel dies, and their only transportation is gone.
The nun and the Priest are now doomed to die, and they decide to just sit and talk and confess some things...during their conversations, they come across the subject of sex.
The Nun then shyly speaks, "I am a virgin, and have never seen what is between a man's legs". So the Priest, being pretty confident about his size, whips it out, and tells her, "This is a tool...the tool that gives life".
The nun thinks for awhile, and says - "well then Mr, how about you shove that thing up that dead camel's ass!"

When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. more...

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
He asks a priest for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says "My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted on the Sabbath."
The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" He goes to minister... a married man with experience, for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority -- a man of thousands of year's tradition and knowledge: a rabbi. The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."

In a certain church, the priest found out that the members made frequent confessions of having sex or committing adultery so much that he openly decided on a coded line to be used by the members to make this confession.The line was "I have fallen". Pretty soon, a new priest was brought to the church.
This man of God knew nothing about the code.At a general meeting of Presbyters, he told the elders of many members complaining of falling when they came for confessions and asked if the pavements and floors could be redone to arrest the situation.At this, one of the prominent elders burped into an uncontrollable round of laughter.The priest thinking this man was not taking the matter seriously, looked sternly at the man and remarked,"Well Mr Arthur, if you dont care about others falling, today is a Wednesday and to tell you the truth, your wife has fallen thrice since Monday, which means she falls at least once a day.Who knows, it may increase to ten times if situation more...