Produce Jokes / Recent Jokes

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer more...

Moraj Desai, the then Indian prime minister visited Sri lanka and was invited to
have dinner with the then prime minister Premadasa.
After Indian PM arrived in the Temple Trees (prime minister's residence) they
exchanged greetings and was escorted to the visiting room.
"How about a sip of your favourite drink?" asked Prem from the visiting PM.
"I will be most grateful to you Prem."
So, Prem went inside and peed in to a big beer mug. He brought the foaming
liquid and offered to the Indian PM.
"Thanks a lot Prem" said the Indian PM and gulped down the drink with two
gulps.
"Aah, what a refreshing taste."
"Do you like to have some more?"
"Yes, if you don't mind"
So, Prem went inside again and tried produce another mug full of the drink, but
unfortunately he could produce a single drop. He asked his dear wife Hemavo
to help him out of this difficult more...

During the ASEAN meeting, all PM of the ASEAN countries were present except for Goh Chok Tong who was represented by LKY. During a conversation, Dr. Mahathir of Malaysia says, "I came up with a bright idea to produce Proton cars and with a initial investment of M$1 billion, we now make M$50 million a year. That is what I call Money Mind." Mr. Suharto of Indonesia says: "I am going to start a car manufacturing plant to produce our National car for only $500 million RP and it will generate $50 RP million a year. Isn't that smarter." LKY of Singapore was not impress and say, "I told my Land Transport Minister to spend SGD$500 to buy a old printing machine and also made SGD$50 million a year." Everybody was taken aback and asks "What the fuck can you do with just SGD$500 only? " And LKY replied "I use the machine to print COE! !!"

Economic overview

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows. They get stolen, so you blame
the previous regime ` and steal someone else `s cows and shoot the owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION
A farmer has two cows.
You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international
community to supply more.
_____

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images
called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
_____

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, more...

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the more...

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn. 1. The bandage was wound around the wound. 2. The farm was used to produce produce. 3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. 4. We must polish the Polish furniture. 5. He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10. I did not object to the object. 11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row. 13. They were too close to the door to close it. 14. The buck does funny things when does are present. 15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18. After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19. Upon seeing more...

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants.
The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."
The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant - a Personal Account."
The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."
The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants - the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"
Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants - they're better than People"
The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"
And submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."
But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"