Professor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sardarji went to a logic school to learn logic. "To begin with, I'll explain you the term logic with the help of an example," the Professor said.
"Do you have a fish pond?" asked the Professor.
"Yes," said Sardarji.
"This means you love fish," the Professor continued.
"Yes."
"That is you love water."
"Yes."
"Everybody drinks water, meaning you love everybody."
"Yes."
"This means you love a boy."
"Yes."
"So you love a girl."
"Yes."
"If you love a girl, then you are a boy."
"Yes, I am a boy."
"And if you are a boy, you are not homosexual."
"Yes, true, I am not a homosexual," said Sardarji.
"So this is the logical relationship between a fish pond and homosexual," the Professor ended.
That night Sardarji could not sleep more...

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him."Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out."To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued."Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school."

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information?"
"To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

I found this on a wall at Iowa State University.
***
THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without more...

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. Apre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn thisstuff?""To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physicssave lives?" he persisted."It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.