Professors Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Heavy ThinkerIt started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?".Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a more...

The Heavy ThinkerIt started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?". Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become more...

there was three professors and one day they asked each other i wonder what will happen if we put a cork up a elephants but. So thay didi it and they wated three months to see what would happen. Then they asked each other who will pull it out. 1st professor not me 2nd professor not me 3rd professor not me so they got a monkey to do it. 5 minuts later the reporters came and asked the three professors what happend 1st professor poo fling every where 2nd professor poo flying ever where 3rd professor poor monkey trying to put cork up elephants bumb

Teachers
Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed. A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous. The driver pointed out the sign that read "20." He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign. The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 20.
Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant.
As the policeman turn to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor. ..looking scared to death! He asked the driver, "What's wrong with them?"
The driver replied, "We just turned off Highway 105."

Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One if at home, but on school time, four.

Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: On the space shuttle, 1, 000, 001. One to screw it in and a million to pick up the pieces.

Q: How many Ph. D thesis supervisors (advisors) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one; but every time they see a lightbulb they have an irresistible urge to change it!

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but once we get tenure, we don't change anymore.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Q: How many Stanford researchers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to hold the more...

Two math professors are sitting in a pub.
"Isn't it disgusting", the first one complains, "how little the general public knows about mathematics?"
"Well", his colleague replies, "you're perhaps a bit too pessimistic."
"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the washroom now."
He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the pretty, blonde waitress to come over.
"When my friend comes back, I'll wave you over to our table, and I'll ask you a question. I would like you to answer: x to the third over three. Can you do that?"
"Sure." The girl giggles and repeats several times: "x to the third over three, x to the third over three, x to the third over three..."
When the first professor comes back from the washroom, his colleague says: "I still think, more...

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but once we get tenure, we don't change anymore.