Proper Jokes / Recent Jokes
God's Human DNA CodeFor many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that verylittle of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that therest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin asfollows: ===/* HUMAN_DNA. H * * Human Genome * Version 2. 1 * * (C) God */ /* Revision history: * * 0000-00-01 00: 00 1. 0 Adam. * 0000-00-02 10: 00 1. 1 Eve. * 0000-00-03 02: 11 1. 2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy -- * will require a rewrite later on to make it neater. * 0017-03-12 03: 14 1. 3 Added extra sex drive to male. h; took code from * elephant-dna. c * 0145-10-03 16: 33 1. 4 Removed tail. * 1115-00-31 17: 20 1. 5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case. * 2091-08-20 13: 56 1. 6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine. * 2501-04-09 14: 04 1. 7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made * darker to more...
The media have grotesquely skewed the public image of women who choose to own firearms. Unfortunately, such exposure can affect one's self-image. This test is offered in the hopes of putting these false images into a more proper perspective. Please circle your answers to each below:
1. What is the real meaning of that pink T-shirt with a revolver on it that says: "The ultimate in feminine protection?"
Obviously a plot by seditious gun fanatics from the NRA.
I'm amazed the pigs have no law banning women's T-Shirts.
A 9mm for "light days" and a. 44 Magnum for "heavy days."
2. For rape and assault prevention, a whistle is:
All you'll ever need.
Like I'd use yet another phallic symbol.
The signal to open fire.
3. The movie "Thelma & Louise" was:
An insidious plot to stamp out femininity and glorify violence.
A male ploy to encourage further suppression of women.
A training film.
4. more...
Geekonics By John Woestendiek Philadelphia Inquirer Wed., January 8, 1997
NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language.
The historic vote on Geekonics - a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" - came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language.
"This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics.
"No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need more...