Psychic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair,
soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar
principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in
their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward
motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's
surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of
directed-pressure explosions more...

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?
Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic... shouldn't they already know you're coming?
Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why don't they just use fattest man in the world for a hockey goalie?
Why dont you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Supermans chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial more...

I am not a believer in séances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest...I was arrested for striking a happy medium...

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

A man went to a storefront psychic for some spiritual guidance. The man said, "There's a horrible dark cloud surrounding me."

"I know," said the psychic, "and for a hundred dollars, I can rid you of it."

The man, eager to be cured, handed over the money. The psychic then pulled out a book of matches and lit one.

The man said, "What do you call this dark and horrible curse?"

The psychic waved the match in front of his butt and said, "Mexican food."

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what hisfuture holds.His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet abeautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."The frog is thrilled, "This is great!"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks."No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

A young woman, hoping to contact her dearly departed mother, pays a visit to the local psychic. The psychic's eyelids begin to flutter, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Suddenly, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Daughter? Are you there?"
"Mother? Is that you?" the wide-eyed, young woman asks.
"Yes, dear daughter, it's me," the voice answers.
"It's really, really you, Mother?" the woman asks again.
"Yes, daughter, it's really, really me," replies the voice.
"Are you sure it's you, Mother?" inquires the puzzled woman.
"Yes, dear, I'm sure it's me," says the voice.
The woman pauses for a moment, then says, "Mother, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my dearest child," the voice replies.
"Mother, when did you learn to speak English?!?"