Purpose Jokes / Recent Jokes

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

A priest comes out of the church to find Little Johnny sitting on the steps. The boy is killing ants by smashing them with his thumb, saying, "Fucking ants," with each smash. The priest watches for a moment, horrified, before running over to Little Johnny.
"What are you doing!?!?!" the priest shouts at him.
"I'm killing these fucking ants," responds Little Johnny.
Visibly upset, the priest sits next to Little Johnny. "My son, don't you know that it is wrong to harm any of God's creatures? God created every living being and it is a sin to kill any of them, including ants."
Little Johnny thinks about this a minute and says to the priest, "But these ants don't do anything. They just bother people."
The priest responds, "Everything in life has a purpose my son, including these ants. I want you to go home and think about that. In fact, I challenge you to come back here in one week and see if you can think of three more...

A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS372. 01 - Any person with a valid California state rodent or deer hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes. 372. 02 - Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is, however, prohibited. 372. 03 - The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash. 372. 04 - It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or fixed-wing aircraft. 372. 05 - It is unlawful to shout "Whiplash!", "Ambulance!", or "Free Scotch!" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 372. 06 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred more...

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200


1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.


2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.


3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.


4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.


6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.


7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or more...

This is supposed to be an actual court transcript. -- remember, you found it on the Internet!

To: All Staff Attorneys

Subject: Depositions and Their Use

A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although the use of a deposition of a party opponent' for any purpose' is also in the federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this exchange:

The Court: Next witness.

Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client's deposition.

The Court: You mean read it?

Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition' for any purpose' and that is the purpose for which I want to use it.

The Court: Well, it more...

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.