Quick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt
to lose weight? He tries the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers,
etc. And none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small
ad which read: Lose weight $1.00 a pound. And it simply listed a telephone
number.
Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked,
'How much weight do you want to lose?' to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, put your check in the mail and we'll have a
representative over to your house in the morning.'
About 9:00 the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. Here stands a
beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck
stating, 'If you catch me you can screw me.' Well the overweight fellow chased
her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house.
Finally he did catch her more...

Q. Why don`t cannibals eat clowns?

A. Because they taste funny.

I made this up.
Looking for a girl-friend
Following are some of the requirements.
* Make and Model Human/Woman
* Year 1966 - 1972
* Mileage Low (prefer ~0)
* Engine Three Cylinder (V-1 position)
EFI**
Multi-port Injection
Single fuel intake/double exhaust (all three usable)
Very low noise
Quick acceleration (Zero to Sixty Nine in

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 208-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'.
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing more...

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:Lose weightOnly $1.00 a poundCall (202) 208-0238The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man responded, 'Ten pounds.'The voice replied, 'Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning.'.About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When more...

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world
in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet,
Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the
Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:
Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555-0238
The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the
other end asked, 'How much weight do you want to lose?', to which the man
responded, 'Ten pounds.'
The voice replied, 'Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll
have a representative over to your house in the morning.'.
About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There
stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign
around her neck stating, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas,
through the kitchen, all around the more...

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
"What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand...
"the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"