Quickly Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day, Little Johnny walked into his father's bedroom, only to catch him sitting on the edge of his bed slipping a condom on.
"Whatcha doin', dad?" asked Little Johnny.
In a desperate attempt to hid his condom-covered erection, his father quickly bent over as if to look under the bed.
"Ummmmmm... I thought I saw a mouse run underneath the bed," his father quickly replied.
"Really, dad? Whatcha gonna do, screw it?" Little Johnny asked, grinning slyly.
This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 to 8 inches long.
The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes.
Is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action.
It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.
In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.
Anyone found listening in will most surely recognise the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements.
When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.
After everything is ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet more...
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. more...
The First Mate of an old pirate ship awoke the Captain. "Captain, Captain, there's a warship approaching!" he exclaimed.
The Captain quickly ran to the bridge and, sure enough, a warship was heading straight for the pirate ship. He looked at his First Mate and said, "Get me my red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly fetched the Captain's red shirt and the Captain put it on.
The pirates were victorious over the warship and that night, as they were enjoying their victory, the First Mate asked the Captain why he had asked for his red shirt. The Captain explained, "If I were to get wounded in the battle, no one would see the blood." The pirates celebrated the courage of their fearless leader.
The following morning, the First Mate once again awoke the Captain. "Captain, Captain, there are a dozen warships approaching!" exclaimed the First Mate.
Again the Captain rushed to the bridge and immediately saw a dozen warships approaching more...
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She wanted to wake him up so in the middle of her lecture she called on him and said, "Johnny, quickly! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY... check it out these actual cases.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he more...
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "1 have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can''t solve."
Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".