Railway Jokes

What do you call a pretend railway? A play station!

A beautiful lady came to marry a senior IRSE officer. She told him that even though she was earlier married to four senior taffic officers of Eastern Railway, but she is virgin.The excited civil engineer who was a Sarderji holding a very high position in Indian Railway wanted to know the details before giving his consent. The lady narrated the following stories:
Husband No 1: He was COM of the Railway and wanted detail analysis of screwing to be by deputing TI, TDI and PWI before actually screwing.Joint note never came and he never fucked.
Husband No 2: He was CPTM.He could not finalise the time table of fucking
Husband No 3: Was CSO. He could not fuck because there was no provision in GR&SR.
Husband No 4: Was a CFTM-1 . He told that there is no indent.
After narrating her plight the gentle lady told the civil engineer " Darling you are already screwing the Railway. Now please screw me also."

Two drunks were stumbling home along a pair of railway tracks.The first drunk says, "There's a hell of a lot of steps here."The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

To escape the scorching heat of the plains, the big guns of the government during British rule used to move up to Shimla for almost five months, from mid May to mid-October. The Viceroy and his large retinue always travelled by a special train which left Delhi at night and reached Kalka early next morning. Tight security was maintained all along the line and every station master was required to send a telegraphic message to Delhi as soon as the train passed his station. Of particular importance was the railway bridge over river Ghaggar near old Chandigarh (now called Chandi Mandir) where the train usually arrived at about 4 a. m. The old station master there used to spend a sleepless night from tension. There is a story that once in typical railway English, he sent the following telegram after the safe crossing of the train over the bridge: "His Excellency passed away peacefully."