Rain Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark. "OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your man."
Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.
"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I more...

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push. Not a chance says the husband - It’s three o’clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was it? asks his wife. Just a drunken stranger asking for a push he answers. Did you help him? she asks. NO, I didn’t-it’s three in the morning and it’s pouring out! Well, you’ve got a short memory says his wife. Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him. The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark: Hello, are you still there? Yes, comes the answer. Do you still want a push? calls out the husband. Yes, please! comes the reply from the dark. Where are you? asks the husband. Over here, on the swing the drunk more...

I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

One day, little Frankie was outside when it started to rain. But the rain was different from the usual rain - this rain was a shiny green substance. Frankie laughed as it fell on him. He opened his mouth and caught it on his tongue. "I will call it 'grooby'!!" he said. Frankie captured a jarful and brought it to his elementary school to show everyone. His friends were jealous and asked what it is. Frankie proudly said "It's 'grooby'!" Later in class, Frankie's teacher saw it and asked him what it is. Frankie said "It's 'grooby'! I named it!" She laughed and went back to the chalkboard. Frankie took his jar of grooby to his science teacher. "Look at my jar of grooby, Mr. Harris!" Mr. Harris said, "Frankie, you shouldn't call it grooby - you should call it 'nuclear waste'. The nearby reactor had a leak causing nuclear acid rain". Frankie gasped. Mr. Harris asked, "Frankie, you didn't happen to drink any did you?" Frankie more...

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. (And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...)
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the more...

A Cynics Guide to Life: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the more...

One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain."The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious."We can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said."But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe.""Do you?" he asked. "Then where are your umbrellas?"