Rain Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so she takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain. The second lady looks at that and says, "That's such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?" "It's a condom," The first lady replies. "Well, where can you buy those?" the second lady asks." Um... Most people buy them at pharmacies." the first lady replies. So the second lady goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. "Do you guys sell those condom things?" she asks the pharmacist. "Why yes we do," the pharmacist says a little confused, "Do you know what size you need?" So the lady says, "Well it's got to fit a Camel."

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. On one wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems".
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
So he started running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes more...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn't they be more specific and say "employees of THIS place only"?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway, aren't they?
Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible?
If you could walk through the walls, wouldn't you fall through the floor?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
Do birds pee?
What does OK actually mean?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about more...

Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallies in the same park of a small New England town.

After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd--shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily.

Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain. One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars.

The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd--shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.

"That man's persistence yonder," observed one of the natives, "sure makes it easy to know who to vote for."

"Yep," another native agreed. "Sure can't see myself voting for an asshole who hasn't the brains to come in out of the rain."

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
He started running along beside the others about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to more...

Not an idiot, but plays one in his life. Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible. Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us. Not done evolving yet. Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective. Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter. Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen. Not enough sense to come in out of the rain. Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.) Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight. Not hard-docked. Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.) Not much to show for four billion years of evolution. Not only rude, but ugly too. Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game). Not running on full thrusters. Not shooting pool on a level table. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor. Not the full quid. Not the same since they took him off more...

Joel: "How's the progress on new house that you are building Pete?"
Peter: "Things are really slow at the moment."
Joel: "Yeah, I guess all this rain would be putting a dampener on things..."