Ranch Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.
As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor attempted to start a conversation, "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch', but 'herd'."
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course, I've heard of cows... there's a big bunch of 'em right over there."

Q: What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
A: You know, I feel like a new boy!

Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need topurchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide tobuy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decidesshe does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send hersister a telegram to tell her the news.She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send atelegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup more...

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
Y'ALL -- noun. A more...

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so more...

Two sisters, one a brunette and the other a blonde, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a couple of years, they find themselves in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull which will enable them to breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $500 to a ranch out west where a man has a prize bull for sale.
As she's leaving for the other ranch, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, checks the bull out, and decides that she does want to buy it. The man tells her that she can buy it for $499, no less. She pays him and then drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She enters the telegraph office, and says, "I'd like to send my sister a telegram telling her that I've bought a bull more...

As Oklahoma was settled, the growing population supported a small community of lawyers. One lawyer became quite successful, handling disputes between ranchers and farmers. He sent his son away for college, and was pleased when his son returned after graduation, seeking to work in his office to figure out if he wanted to be a lawyer. The lawyer welcomed his son into the firm, and gave him a job as a clerk.
On his son's first day, the first client to call on the lawyer was a man, deeply tanned from years of toil under the Oklahoma sun. His hand were rough and calloused, and he was dressed for the range. The man explained, "I am a ranch hand at the Smith Ranch, where I have worked since I was very young. For all of those years, I have tended to all of the animals on the ranch, including a small herd of cows. I raised the cows, fed them, and cared for them. It has always been my understanding that I was the owner of the cows. Mr. Smith died, and his son has inherited the ranch. more...