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A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled."
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"
On the wedding day father hands a note to the groom... Which read.."Goods once delivered will not be taken back" Groom gives a note to the father of the bride that read... "Guarantee void if seal is broken"
If you're not a good reader.. he can't read
If you're a good reader.. why?.. some of the best players couldn't read
If you like to dress up and look neat.. who does he think he is?
If you don't look neat.. he's still a hippie
If you grow a beard.. what's he hiding?
If you're clean shaven.. he doesn't look like a jazz musician
Finally
You introduce yourself as a jazz guitarist. ..
Oh God! Not another guitar player!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. . they`re cramming for their final exam.
Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing.
"I'm not drawing, Mom," she said indignantly, "I'm writing a letter to Fred."
"But you can't write," Mom pointed out.
"That's all right," said Betty, "Fred can't read."
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo mama so stupid she more...
Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~
Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the
chopper was going in on the emergency locator beacon which more...