Reality Jokes / Recent Jokes
My wife gave me a lesson the other night on User Interface Problems, that really points up some of the differences between the sexes.We were watching CNN's Technology program they have on weekends, when a segment on Virtual Reality came on.Looking at the all the wires and gadgets, she turned to me and said that Virtual Reality would never catch on with women.I was puzzled by this, until she explained, "Every woman's first thought on seeing that helmet will be, 'I can't wear that.It will mess up my hair!'"
Should the tree be real or fake?
Yuppie Solution: Live tree, planted after use
Male Solution: Fake tree, discarded after use
Female Solution: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
Reality: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs
Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
Yuppie Solution: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
Male Solution: Bulbs flash logo of football team
Female Solution: Elegant flickering candles
Reality: Tree bursts into flames, burns house down
Should the tree be topped with an angel or a star?
Yuppie Solution: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
Male Solution: Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
Female Solution: Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
Reality: Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts
Do you fling or hang tinsel?
Yuppie Solution: Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
Male Solution: Six large clumps of tinsel on front more...
POTENTIAL VS REALITY
___________
Johnny comes home from school with a writing
assignment to define and subsequently explain the
difference between potential and reality. After
getting nowhere on it for 2 hours, he finally asks his
father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference
between potential and reality?" His father looks up,
thoughtfully, and then says, "Go ask your mother if
she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million
dollars. Then go ask your sister, Suzie, if she would
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come
back and tell me what they said."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to follow his
father's guidance. He goes downstairs to the kitchen
and asks his mother, "Mom, if Robert Redford gave you
a million dollars to sleep with him would you?" His
mother looks around slyly, and then with a little
smile on her face says, "Yes, I more...
Reality show stars Jon and Kate Gosselin of TLC's "Jon & Kate plus 8" are finally getting a divorce after months of feuding.
There will be a new reality show to cover the divorce proceedings, to be called "Jon & Kate plus 8 Jewish attorneys."
Christmas controversies & various solutions
CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE:Live tree, planted after use
MALE:Fake tree, discarded after use
FEMALE:Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY:Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs
CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE:Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
MALE:Bulbs flash logo of football team
FEMALE:Elegant flickering candles
REALITY:Tree bursts into flames, burns house down
CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE:Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
MALE:Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
FEMALE:Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
REALITY:Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts
CONTROVERSY: Do ya fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE:Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
MALE:Six large clumps of tinsel on front of more...