Receptionist Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the
receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will
prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my
life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it
be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went
to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and
the will.
The lawyer's first question was,
"Would you please tell me what
you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed
under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here,
I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 more...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least; however, the
dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the
manager and gave it to him, then jumped back more...

Mr Smith went to the Doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.
Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."
Mr Smith: "What do you mean?"
Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife."
Mr Smith: "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"
Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
''Is Mr. Smith there?'', asked the client on the phone.
''I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night,'' the receptionist answered.
''Is Mr. Smith there?'', repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. ''Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night.''
''Is Mr. Smith there?'', asked the client again.
''Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?'', said the exasperated receptionist. ''Mr. Smith is DEAD!''
''I understand you perfectly,'' the client sighed. ''I just can't hear it often enough.''

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Spenser there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Spenser passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Can anyone else help you?"
The man paused for a moment, then quietly said 'no' and hung up.
Ten minutes later, he called again and asked for Mr. Spenser, his ex-wife's lawyer.
The receptionist said, "You just called a few minutes ago, didn't you? Mr. Spenser has died. I'm not making this up." The man again hung up.
Fifteen minutes later, he called a third time and asked for Mr. Spenser. The receptionist was irked by this time. "I've told you twice already, Mr. Spenser is dead. He is not here! Why do you keep asking for him when I say he's dead? Don't you understand what I'm saying?"
The man replied, "I understand you perfectly. I just like hearing you more...

I called up the local auto club this morning to ask for a map of Colorado.
The receptionist who answered the phone asked me to spell my last name, and
then my first name.
Me: "D-A-V-I-D."
Her: "Was the first letter 'D' as in David or 'B' as in boy?"
With a mind like that, she could be designing rocket boosters for
Morton-Thiokol.

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.
"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.
"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.
"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?"
Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary.
"Certainly madam," he replied.
"And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.
The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the more...