Red Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him
a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull
goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees
that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say "We hate Christmas" and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf
of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a more...

Q: Whats pink and red and cant turn round in a corridor? A: A baby with a javellin through its head.

There was this guy who had been to about every bar in town. So one night, he hopped into a taxi cab and told the driver to take him to the best bar in town. The cabby took him to a bar, where he got half-drunk. He hopped into the same cab and said that the bar wasn't good enough -- take him to another one. The cabby took him to another bar, where the guy had the time of his life.
The next morning, this guy was in yet another bar telling his buddy what a good time he had the night before, but he couldn't remember where he was. All he could remember was a red door and a golden toilet
seat.
"Man, we gotta find this place," said his buddy.
So the two spent half the day searching for a bar with a red door until they found one. They walked in, and the guy asked the bartender, "Was I here last night and too drunk to tell? All I remember is a red door and a golden toilet seat."
The bartender hollered to the back, "HEY, FRED. HERE'S THAT SON OF more...

What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?
A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house.
A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies,
Air defences were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds,
As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads.
Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube,
Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube,
And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so dense
That nothing that flew could slip through our defence.
When out of the klaxon arose such a clatter
I dashed to the screen to see what was the matter;
I increased the gain and then, quick as a flash,
Fine-adjusted the filters to damp out the hash.
And there found the source of the warning we'd heeded:
An incoming blip, by eight escorts preceded.
"Alert status red!" went the word down the wire,
As we gave every system the codes that meant "FIRE!"
On Aegis! Up Patriot, Phalanx and Hawk!
And scramble our fighters--let's send the whole flock!
Launch decoys and more...

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.

He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"

Jenna replies, "No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?

POEM # 1
Roses are red, pickles are green
I love your legs and whats between

POEM # 2
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass


POEM # 3
Im a cool girl, in a cool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down
kissing is a sport
fucking is a game
guys get all the pleasure
girls get all the pain

POEM # 4
The guy says i love you
you believe its true
9 months later,
he says the hell with you
the baby is a bastard
the mother is a whore
all this wouldnt have happened
if the rubber wouldnt have torn

POEM # 5
Sex is when a guys communication
enters a girls information
to increase the population
for a younger generation
do you get the information...
or do you need a demonstration

POEM # 6
Roses are red,
Violets are corney,
When i think of you
Ohh baby i get more...