Red Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde and red head were sitting at a table having lunch.
Their conversation turned to Ebay. "I really like to use Ebay."
Said the Red Head. "I bid on it everyday."
"Well I hate Ebay!" Says the blonde.
"Why?" asks the Red head.
"Because I always raise a bidding paddle, and scream numbers at
the computer, But it never hears me.

From: jaffo@onramp. net (Jaffo)
Newsgroups: alt. politics. jaffo,[...]
Subject: Jaffo's Annual Christmas Communist Checklist!
Keywords: hat tree brick rock wink prostate Dole corrugated firm bouncy happy cat woof cobble freak hectare moo
In alt. politics. jaffo, on 16 Dec 1996 13: 04: 09 -0700, you wrote:
: The second one. Nail those toon bastards to the wall. They're all: Communists you know. Ever notice why Bart and Lisa Simpson both are: always wearing RED? ALWAYS?
Which brings me to my annual Christmas rant.
AHEM.


I have a little quiz. Not a quiz, really, in fact this is Jaffo's Annual Christmas Communist Checklist.
Wears red.
Wears conspicuous cold weather clothing. (Gets mighty cold in SIBERIA!)
Infiltrates the homes of hard-working Americans.
Favors the redistribution of wealth in the form of colorfully-wrapped presents.
Distributes COMMUNIST propaganda, teaching our children that if they just more...

Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work? A: In case they have to draw blood.

It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the more...

What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh? A home-sick abortion.

The traffic policeman stopped the car driver for
crossing the traffic signal on a red.
`Didn`t you see the red light?` Growled the policeman.
`Yes i did`, replied the driver, `But I didn`t see you!`

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog's privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly. A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him,' 'You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog's neck.''
The boy nodded in agreement and said,' 'But then there wouldn't be a siren.''