Regulations Jokes / Recent Jokes

Streaking will be permitted as follows: Female employees will streak on odd days - males on even days. On payday, all employees may streak, subject to the following:
1. Girls who have tattoos on the lower half of their bodies, such as' sock if to me' or' what you see is what you get' will not be permitted to streak, due to inspection regulations.
2. Men with tattoos, such as' let it all hang out' will not be permitted to streak. Also, men with tattoos of butterflies, roses, or elves will streak with females.
3. Girls with bust size larger than 36B must wear a bra while in file area, or around any Xerox machines. Girls smaller than 36B should not try to impress people by wearing a bra.
4. If you streak in any area where food is served, you must wear two hair nets. These will be available in the vending machine by the cafeteria.
5. In the event your physical make-up is such your sex cannot be determined, such as flat chest for girls, or long hair on boys, you more...

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times.

On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."

This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon. She responded:

My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms,' It's gonna be great!'

My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.

My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn't get the system up.

My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said,' Those more...

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWERS Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200


1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.


2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.


3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.


4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.


6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.


7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or more...

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.
She responded:
My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!'
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
My more...

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.She responded:My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!'My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn't get the system up.My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.My fifth husband was from the more...

New Republican GOP agenda - the Top Ten House Republican initiatives:
Eliminate the Department of Health and Human Services, all Occupational Safety and Health laws and regulations, and Luxury Taxes, and use the savings to eliminate the corporate income tax.
Restore the House on Un-American Activities Committee (Robert Dornan to be Chairman) and eliminate the Ethics Committee.
Provide tax credits for home schooling.
Repeal all gun control laws and provide tax incentives for private militia.
Eliminate all Federal election funding and regulations, and repeal the voting rights act.
Right to Work Act: Repeal anti-competition laws and outlaw labor monopoly groups.
Pass a "anti-flag burning" constitutional amendment to protect patriotic emblems such as "Old Glory," the "Stars-and-Bars," "Star-Spangled Banner," "Dixie," and maybe the "Battle Hymn of the Republic."
Provide tax credit for mothers to more...