Remain Jokes / Recent Jokes
Clarification Of Corporate Lingo
Employer's Lingo:
"COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM" We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY" Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal more...
Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo.
"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
"SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:"...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:" We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.
"A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT:" We booze it up at company parties.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you more...
Clarification Of Corporate LingoEmployer's Lingo:"COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors."JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM" We have no time to train you."CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings."MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day."SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" Some time each night and some time each weekend."DUTIES WILL VARY" Anyone in the office can boss you around."MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control."CAREER-MINDED" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way)."APPLY IN PERSON" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled."NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality."SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF more...
1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me. 2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth. 3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you. 4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride. 5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk. 6. Good luck. On your mark, get set.... GO!!!!!
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.
Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo.
"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
"SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:"...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:" We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.
"A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT:" We booze it up at company parties.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you more...
Heres a little clarification of corporate lingo.
COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you+-
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We dont pay enough to expect that youll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
Youll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON:
If youre old, fat or ugly youll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
Weve more...