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> >ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING......... By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz
> >
> > Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always
> > in a good mood and always had something positive to say.
> > When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,
> > "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
> >
> > He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who
> > had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason
> > the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a
> > natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was
> > there telling the employee how to look on the positive side
> > of the situation.
> >
> > Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to
> > Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all
> >of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied,
> >
> > "Each more...

A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, "I would like one of your special full English breakfasts". "No problem." Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. "But I want it MY way." says the man. "What do you mean your way?" comes the reply. The man says, "well, I what the eggs only just about done so they look like I have snotted on them." he says. "I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top, and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease trickles in to the snotty egg and beans." "I dont have the time to do all that!" came the reply from the greasy little fat girl. "WELL YOU FUCKING HAD TIME YESTERDAY!!!!!!!" came the reply.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.' Why, of course,' comes the reply. The first man then asks,' Where are you from?'' I'm from Ireland,' replies the second man. The first man responds by saying,' You don't say. I'm from Ireland too. Let's have another round to Ireland.'' Of course,' replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks,' Where in Ireland are you from?'' Dublin,' comes the reply.' I can't believe it,' says the first man,' I'm from Dublin too. Let's have another drink to Dublin.'' Of course,' replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks,' What school did you go to?'' St Mary's,' replies the second man,' I graduated in 1962.'' This is unbelievable,' the first man says.' I went to St Mary's and I graduated in 1962 too.' About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar.' What's been going on?' he asks the barman.' Nothing much,' replies the barman.' The O'Malley twins more...

The class has started and almost all the students were
in-class, prepared to expand their knowledge.
The teacher walked in and said, " Good morning class!"
and the students replied....
The teacher called out each student.
The replies were, "yes Ms. B" or "here" or "present" or
"taking a dump" or "absent"...... but for some reason, when the
teacher called out Jonny, there was no reply....
...... and there appeared our little Jonny at the door.... he
gave an innocent look.
Teacher: Jonny, why are you late?
Jonny: Ms. B, I was on top of Cherry Hill...
Teacher: Have a seat Jonny.
The teacher continued with the attendance..... and when she
called out Mark...... once again there was no reply.....
...... and there was Mark, right at the door with torn clothes....
Teacher: Mark! Are you OK?
Mark: Yes Ms. B....
Teacher: Now, what is your reason more...

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.
The first man then asks: Where are you from?
I'm from Ireland, replies the second man.
The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.
Of Course, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from?
Dublin, comes the reply.
I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.
Of course, replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?
Saint Mary's, replies the second man. I graduated in 62.
This is unbelievable! the first man says. I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in' 62, too!
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender.
Nothing much, replies more...

One day on a busy street corner a huge man walks up to a police
officer and asks, "Thcuse me offither, can you tell me where thidee
thid, and thacramento ith?" The police officer didn't reply at all.
The large man then asked again, but still no reply. Finally the
frustrated man walked away. An onlooking pedestrian then walked up
to the officer and asked, "Officer, why didn't you tell that man
where thirty third and Sacramento was?" The police officer replied,
"Thure and dit the thit ticked out of me!"
Derrick Hamner

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?""I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.""Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?""Dublin," comes the reply."I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.""Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?""Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in' 62.""This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in' 62, too!"About that time in comes one of more...