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Two morons, Tom and Jack, were sitting in a bar one day, when two
fishermen walked in with 2 huge trout, one of the morons asked where the guys
got the fish, and the fishermen told the morons that they go down to the
bridge, one guy would hold the other by the ankles until a fish was caught.
The morons figured that they could to that.
After holding Tom for about 20 minutes, Jack asked Tom if he had anything, and
the reply was "no." About 20 more minutes passes, so Jack asked again, and
again the reply was "no." Finally, Tom yelled "Pull me up! Pull me up!!"
Jack exclaimed "Ya got one?" Tom said, "No! a train is coming!!"

Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll!
WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out :)
1: Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think!"
2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
(This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!)
3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - "are you sure?"
(Not recommended at Biker Bars)
4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying "blah, blah, blah, blah".
5: Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
(Works even better if your rent a cop uniform.)
6: Go to your local mall. Walk up to strangers and say: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's more...

A man finally decides to go on the vacation of his life. He had
been putting it off because he owned a prize winning cat and
he also looked after his aging mother who lived next door. After
much worrying he decided to leave his cat in his brother's care
and take the vacation he'd so long put off.
"OK," he told his brother "Take good care of my cat and check
in on Mom every day."
"Yeah, yeah," said the less responsible brother "I'll take care of everything, you just go on your stupid vacation."
So the vacation started by him being dropped off at the airport
by his now "responsible" brother. After two weeks the man
returned from his trip and his brother picked him up at the airport. Getting into the car the man immediately asked "How's my cat doing?"
"Your cat's dead." came the reply from his brother.
"WHAT?" asked the man in total more...

Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll! WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out :)1: Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think!"2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.(This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!)3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - "are you sure?"(Not recommended at Biker Bars)4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying "blah, blah, blah, blah".5: Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.(Works even better if your rent a cop uniform.)6: Go to your local mall. Walk up to strangers and say: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." If they answer you, go to plan 4 more...

I once got an especially helpful reply to a question I asked on
Microsoft's on-line tech support service. I wrote back to thank
them for a complete and concise reply, and said how much I
appreciated it.
The next day I had a response:
"We are looking into the problem and will contact you with a solution
as soon as possible."

A glad went to a barber saloon to have a hair cut and quarried how many are there ahead of me. The reply was three. "Yes I am busy today, anyway I come tommorrow and went away.
The other day at the same time he visited the barber saloon and questioned how many were there ahead of him. The reply was five. again he went away saying "Good I will come tommorrow.
On the third day too he visited the barber saloon and qurried how many were there ahead of him. The answer was four. "Very good! I will come tommorrow" and went away.
The barber asked one of his employees why this glad every day coming to our barber saloon and going without taking hair cut, but merely question about the number of person ahead of him. Go behind him and watch what he is and where he goes.
After an hour later the employee returned and said the glad is going to your house.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?""I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in' 62.""This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in' 62, too!" About that time in comes more...