Rome Jokes / Recent Jokes

One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walkingthrough the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-oldboy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, "Youngman, you're much too young to smoke!"The kid looks up at the Pope and says, "Fuck you!"The Pope is completely taken aback. "What?" he says. "You saythat to *me*, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the head ofthe Roman Catholic Church? I am the spiritual leader formillions of people, young man, the representative of God, and you dare to say that to *me*? No, no, no, kid, fuck *YOU*!"

There are three men stranded on a deserted island (hmm sounds familiar).
One is Italian, one is Irish and the other Polish. They have been on the Island for close to six months and have developed a great rapport with one another and become the best of friends.
One day they are searching the shore for a sign of passing boats when they come across a bottle. When the Italian rubs the bottle a genie comes out (can you believe it!). The genie thanks the three men and says "I will grant you three wishes, but it can only be one wish each and I am so tired of being in the bottle for so long it might take a couple of weeks between wishes".
So the Italian says "I wish I was back in Rome eating a big plate of antipasto"
POOF!!! he is back in Rome like he wished. A couple of weeks later the Genie says ok, to the Irishman, "What is your wish"
The Irishman replies, I wish I was back in Dublin at Mac Murphy's pub with a pint of lager. POOF!!! He more...

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn’t, and I have the fish to prove it!

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn’t built in a day!

What did the Sheriff of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him?
That was an arrow escape!

A history joke
What did the ghost of Queen Elizabeth say as it floated into the terrified woman’s bedroom?
Don’t worry, I’m just passing through!

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn’t know where the Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father O'Rafferty.

"Top o' the mornin' to ye," said the Father, "Aren't you Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry ye and yer husband two years ago?"

She replied "Aye, that ye did, Father."

"And be there any wee ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father," Mrs. O'Donovan said.

"Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for ye."

"Oh, thank ye, Father." They parted ways.

Some years later they met again.

"Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," the priest said. "How are ye these days?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said. "Have ye any wee ones yet?"

"Oh, yes, Father," Mrs. O'Donovan replied. "Three sets of twins and four singles -- 10 in more...

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8. 5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. more...

A history jokeTeacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasnt built in a day!

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8. 5 inches. That's an
exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in
England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the
same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs
and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other
spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the
spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by
Imperial Rome for the benefit more...