Roommate Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
79. Burn incense.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
80. Eat moths.

Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?" His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out." So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass." Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
81. Collect Chia-Pets.

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner... who lives with a female roommate Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldnt help but notice how pretty Anthonys roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his moms thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, Ive been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You dont suppose she took it, do you?" Well, I doubt it, but Ill e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote;
Dear Momma,
Im not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my house, and Im not saying that you more...

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
82. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.