Rose Jokes / Recent Jokes

"A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees. She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!""Don't worry," he says, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself." "Who is the third rose from?" she asked"Oh," says the doctor, "that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit... He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"

Binny: "What Happened To John, His Nose Was All Swollen This Morning?"
Pratik: "He Tried To Smell A Brose."
Binny: "You Mean A Rose? There Is No' B' In A Rose."
Binny: "There Was A' B' (Bee) In This One."

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A: A collie-flower!

One elderly couple is visiting another for supper. The two women go into the kitchen for a moment, leaving the men to talk.

One of the men says to the other, "The Mrs. and I went to the nicest restaurant last night."

"Is that right?" the other inquires, "What was it called?"

"That''s just it," he replies "I can''t recall. "Say, what''s the name of that red flower that has thorns all over it?"

"A rose?" he responds.

"YEAH, THAT''S IT!" he says energetically.

He then whirls around and yells into the kitchen, "Hey, Rose! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last night!?"

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you we would be walking through a never-ending garden!

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house. As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save more...

The Rabbi rose with a red face..."Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K. K. K.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Jewish community cannot tolerate! I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and our Jewish community."

No one moved.

The Rabbi continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel relief. Now stand and confess your transgression!"

Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose in the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke.

"Rabbi, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan... I just told a couple of friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."