Rose Jokes / Recent Jokes

NICKNAMES: If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a beer, they will affectionately refer to each other as LardAss, Butt-Breath, Peanut-Head and Useless.EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument! DRESSING UP: A man will dress up for weddings, funerals. A woman will dress up more...

John and Joe had been law partners for many years, sharing everything, most especially the affections of their libidinous secretary, Rose. One morning, an agitated John came to Joe with the bad news, "Rose is pregnant! We're going to be a father!" Joe, the more reserved of the two, calmed his partner and reminded him that things could be much worse. They were both well-off, and could easily afford the costs of raising the child. Rose would have the best care available, her child would attend only the finest schools, and neither would want for anything. The child would have the benefit of having two fathers, both of which were caring and well- educated. Gradually, John got used to the idea of fatherhood. When the big day came, both were at the hospital awaiting the news of their offspring's birth. Finally, John could take no more and went outside to take a walk. When he returned an hour later, Joe had the news. "We had twins," said Joe, "and mine died."

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.
During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions.
"Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry."
"I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge.
"Wait, there's more...
When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why.
Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's."
"THAT'S when I hit him!"

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions."Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry.""I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge."Wait, there's more...When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's.""THAT'S when I hit him!"

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw
in $20, even though it's only for $32. 50. None of them will have
anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change
back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these more...

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands inback. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last nightand had the best meal ever. Good prices too." Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of therestaurant?" Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What'sthe name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?" Sam says, "How about rose?" "Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. "Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at lastnight?"

A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutley religioius woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her. When the first rescue boat came in the worker called for her to come out but she just shook her head and said "Thank you, but my God will save me." Shaking his head the rescue worker moved on. The waters rose and she climbed to the second story of her home to wait for God. A second boat came by and the worker called out "Listen lady we've got to get you out of here!" Once again she thanked him profusely and said "My God will save me." The waters rose a third time forceing her to her roof. The water was just closing around her ankels when a third boat came by. "Lady, I'm the last boat out if you don't come now you're going to die." She just smiled "My God will save me" she said quietly. Frustrated the worker moved on. The waters rose more...