Roses Jokes / Recent Jokes
At the Roses match, a small spectator was enjoying the game. When the batsman made a fine stroke he clapped enthusiastically, and applauded equally for good fielding from the other side. This seemed to bother the man sitting next to him, who growled,' You from Lancashire?'
'No.'
'Yorkshire?'
'No.'
'Well, keep yer mouth shut - game's nothing to do with thee!'
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"
There once was a farmer who took a young miss
Out back of the barn where he gave her a...
Lecture on horses and cattle and eggs
And told she had the most wonderful...
Manners that suited a girl of her charms
A girl that he wanted to take in his...
Washing and ironing and then if she did
They could get married and raise lots of...
Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
Covered all over with sweet violets
The girl told the farmer that he better quit
Then she called her father and he took a...
Taxi and got there before very long
'Cause someone was treating his little girl...
Right for a change and so that's why he said
If you marry my daughter, you're better off...
Single, for son it has always been my belief
That marriage will bring a man nothing but...
Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
Covered all over with sweet violets
POEM # 1
Roses are red, pickles are green
I love your legs and whats between
POEM # 2
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass
POEM # 3
Im a cool girl, in a cool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down
kissing is a sport
fucking is a game
guys get all the pleasure
girls get all the pain
POEM # 4
The guy says i love you
you believe its true
9 months later,
he says the hell with you
the baby is a bastard
the mother is a whore
all this wouldnt have happened
if the rubber wouldnt have torn
POEM # 5
Sex is when a guys communication
enters a girls information
to increase the population
for a younger generation
do you get the information...
or do you need a demonstration
POEM # 6
Roses are red,
Violets are corney,
When i think of you
Ohh baby i get more...
"Wasn't yesterday your and your wife's first wedding anniversary? What is it like having being married to a mathematician for a whole year?"
"She just filed for divorce..."
"I don't believe it! Did you forget about your wedding day?"
"No. Actually, on my way back home from work, I stopped at a flower store and bought a bouquet of red roses for my wife. When I came home, I gave her the roses and said: `I love you.'"
"So, what happened?!"
"Well, she took the roses, slapped them around my face, kicked me in the groin, and threw me out of our apartment..."
"What a bitch!"
"No, no... it's all my fault... I should have said: `I love you and only you.'."