Roughly Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drunk walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender? A ROUND FOR THE HOUSE, and have one yourself, too!"
The crowd cheers, the bartender pours and passes out the drinks, then knocks back a shot himself.
"That'll be $80 for the round," says the bartender, to which the man replies, "I don't have a plug nickel."
The angry bartender drags the man to the door and roughly throws him into the street.
The next night, the drunk again walks in and says, "Bartender? A ROUND FOR THE HOUSE-and go ahead and have one yourself, too!"
As the crowd cheers, the bartender reasons to himself that no one would come in and do that twice, and that the man probably has the money for the previous night, so he passes out the shots and knocks one back himself.
"Ok, that's $80 for last night, and $63 for tonight,"
The man replies, "I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, sorry to say."
The bartender, more...

Definitions for assistant professors:
Academic Freedom:
being free to work any sixty hours of the week one likes.
Weekend:
those days on which one need neither dress well nor wash one's hair before coming to work.
Faculty Lounge:
one's office floor at 2:00 am.
Grade:
Your evaluation of a student's performance, based on your experience as a professional educator. You are allowed only to issue a single capital letter as your evalution. You must sign the submission of the grade, but it is a private record that you cannot disseminate. The student has recourse to several levels of appeal, as well as to legal action, if he or she feels the grade is inappropriate.
Student Teaching Evaluation:
A student's evaluation of your performance, based on his or her experience as a nineteen-year-old. The student can write whatever he or she likes. The student submits this evaluation anonymously, but it becomes a public document. You have absolutely no power to more...

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing Sun all day without catching a single one.

On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.

"Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughly."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughly. She prefers that for supper tonight."