Rude Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a hallowe'en party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a scathing letter of complaint.
The more...
What did Michael Jackson get when he passed his driving test?
A couple of minors
A radio station is holding a competition for a trip to hawai. Somebody rings up, tells them a word that isn't in the dictionary and then puts it in a sentence. This is how it went
First caller: Hi my name Adam and my word is G-o-a-n pronounced "
Go an"
.
Presenter: Okay thats not in the dictionary now whats your sentence.
Adam:Okay, Goan Fuck yourself
he was cut off
There no others winners until
Brain: Hi my names Brian and my word is
S-m-e-e pronounced "
Sme"
.
Presenter: Ok whats your sentence
Brain: Well its,
Smee again Goan Fuck yourself
The competition ended there
(This is a joke for you and a friend. Tell your friend that everytime you ask a question to answer with "Ketchup and liquor")
You: What did you have for breakfast?
Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
You: What did you have for lunch?
Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
You: What did you have for dinner?
Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
You: You see a hott girl walking down the street. What do you do?
Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe
for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a
supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a
train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find
a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train
looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was
room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking,
older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
"Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked.
The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude", she said,
"can't you see my dog is sitting there"?
He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat.
He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady I love dogs - have more...
one day britney spears and shaggy went on a date, then evrey1 heard a fart, SHAGGY:it wasnt me BRITNEY:opps i did it again
the next day it happend again and insted BRITNEY SAID:stronger than yesterday!!!
HA! HA! HA! HA!