Running Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set.... GO!!!!!
What the 24th century would be like under today's management
techniques.
After the crew is told they are now Empowered, Dr. Crusher
begins doing medical experiments on unsuspecting enlisted personnel
while Worf slaughters everyone he considers "weak".
Data fails an ISO9000 audit because the construction of his
positronic brain isn't properly documented. He curses Dr. Suhn's
record keeping as he's stripped for parts.
All members of the ship's maintenance crew are required to be
involved in Quality Circles. The loss of productive work time causes
them to cut back on scheduled repairs, resulting in a warp core
breach that kills everyone.
Commander Riker is fired after a round of "right sizing". Star
Fleet decided that it didn't really need someone to seduce alien
females and smirk a lot.
As part of the new Dignity Enhancement program, Picard is
forced to allow Troi to wear uniforms that cover her more...
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
Santa - "why are all these people running?" Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup." Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets Saint Peter himself. Saint Peter says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Peter, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." Saint Peter stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, Saint Peter is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?" Saint Peter says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new more...
The parents decide to take their son to a nude beach for a vacation. When they arrive, the father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water. Soon after, the son comes running to his mother and exclaims, "Mommy, I just saw ladies with tits a lot bigger than yours." His mom replies, "Dear, the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
Away he goes to play but comes running back a few minutes later. "Mommy, I just saw men with dicks a lot bigger than Daddy's," he said. Again his mom replies, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."
He goes back to play but several minutes later comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I've ever seen and the more he talked, the dumber he got."
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 miles an hour when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running along beside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour, the chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he knew about the chicken. As a matter of fact, the farmer said that his son was a geneticist. And he had developed this breed of chicken because the three of them each like a drumstick when they have chicken, and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
The salesman said, "That's the most fantastic story I have ever heard. How do they taste?" The farmer said, "I don't know. We can't catch' em."