Safety Jokes / Recent Jokes
STATE OF CALIFORNIADEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE 1700 "J" STREETSACRAMENTO, CA 95368PETE WILSON HARRY WALBRATHGOVERNOR DIRECTORBULLETIN NUMBER 95-2374DATE: OCTOBER 20, 1995TO: ALL CALIFORNIA INSURANCE AGENCIESALL CALIFORNIA DEALERS OF NEW/USED AUTOMOBILESFROM: CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCESUBJ: AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE HEADLAMP DIMMER SWITCH1. Pursuant to the California Department of Motor Vehicles Act Number DMV 95-79221, all motor vehicles sold in the State of California after November 1, 1995 will be required to have the headlamp dimmer switch mounted on the floor of the vehicle. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid any inadvertent operation and/or pedal confusion. 2. Included in the above act, and beginning January 1, 1996 all other vehicles with steering mounted switches must be retrofitted with a floor mounted dimmer switch of more...
More Evidence That This World Is Full Of Complete Idiots
1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.
3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one more...
Q: How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One -- but its an 8 hour minimum.
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived more...
The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize, and was
writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all human kind.
Please forward it to anyone you know who might need a lift today!
"Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior
Citizens Luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged.
All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to
know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old, forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received
one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of
pieces. It was awful and she was in more...
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials InformationSystem ----------------------------------------------------------------------Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Largequantities found in urban areas and shopping malls. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: --------------------1. Surface Tension--soft and warm. 2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced. 3. Boils at nothing. 4. Freezes without reason. 5. Melts with special reason. 6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly. 7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to commonore. 8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points. 9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age. 10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance toreproduce with marked physical and mental changes. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: --------------------1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones. 2. Absorbs great more...