Saying Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Catholic Church's air conditioning broke down, so they had to hire a man to crawl around in the ducts and figure out what was wrong. As the man peeked down through one of the vents in the sanctuary, he saw little old Mrs. Murphy kneeling by the altar, apparently saying her rosary. Since the man was a fundamental Baptist, he thought it'd be funny to try and mess with the lady's mind. In his best authoritative voice, he said, "This is Jesus. Your prayers will be answered."
The little old lady didn't even blink, just kept on saying her prayers. The man decided maybe she didn't hear him, and tried again. "This is Jesus, the Son of God! Your prayers will be answered!"
Again, she didn't react at all. Mustering up a big breath of air, the man decided to try again. "THIS IS JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD! YOUR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED!"
The lady looks up and says, "SHUT UP! I'M TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!"
1. Stand at the washroom door carrying a baseball bat and ask everyone in a low voice if they washed their hands.2. Gnaw on your mouse, make cat noises, and lick your hands from time to time.3. Walk into people's offices, taking a careful look around. Talk into your shirt, saying' No sign of him yet, Chief.'4. When the phone rings, answer by saying' KBBL, you're on the air.'5. Proudly show everyone your calculator and hand out cigars. Tell them your computer just had a baby.6. Paint your face blue and start searching around in people's desk drawers. Ask them if they've seen your pills.7. Create a document that is entirely black and print hundreds of copies. Use the print-outs as wallpaper for your office.8. Build a fire pit out of cinder blocks in the staff room. Place a stack of firewood in the corner, along with matches, lighter fluid, hot dogs, and marshmallows.9. Get in the elevator and pretend to hold the door open for invisible people.10. Tape the entrance to your neighbors more...
China blames U.S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States,? Fully responsible" for today? s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U.S. spy plane. Officials have stated that at approximately 8:46am, GMT, a squadron of F-8 fighters collided with the American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese fighters downed and the blimps electronic billboard damaged.A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision involving his squadron, nicknamed "Panda Rash", told China's news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and onto wingman Thee Sum Yun Dork's f-8 jet. "I told Thee Dork his tail was all broken. Keep it straight. Keep it straight." said the pilot "He could not shake the American foreign-devil" The blimp reportedly then veered left then right, taking more...
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost.
It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone's home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most grateful if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I more...
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR KID IS TAKING DWEEBONICS CLASSES10. They tilt their head sideways to smile. 9. When you ground them, they say, "Your UI could really use some work." 8. They say, "My dad can beat your dad at Quake." 7. Instead of laughing, they say, "LOL." 6. They insult kids by saying, "And you've got limited bandwidth!"5. They change the answering machine message to "BRB, leave your URL, and we'll TTYL." 4. This is how they ask someone out on a date: "Umm, uh, well... see ya!"3. Calling from camp, your homesick child says, "I'm roaming outside my service area!"2. When you ask if they've finished their book report, they say, "It's in beta, but it'll ship in time." 1. You're telling them something they don't want to hear. They're saying, "NAK, NAK, NAK" the whole time.
one day somebody gets mad at a blonde and gives her a knife and tells her to say du in signlanguage
( saying du in signlanguage is hiting your hand on your chest )
Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn''t go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...
First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that''s better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what''s further up?" So up they went.
Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what''s further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good more...