Schneider Jokes

Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money." Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."

Rob Schneider has pledged to never work with Mel Gibson because of his recent anti-semetic remarks...How is Deuce Bigalow 3: Israeli Gigalow going to be understood without the collaboration of Mel Gibson?

It was Schneider's birthday, and that morning there was a knock on the door.

"Telegram!"

He opened the door excitedly, "Is it a singing telegram?" Schneider asked the messenger boy.

"No, sir. We don't do singing telegrams anymore."

"I've always wanted a singing telegram. Can't you bend the rules and make an old man happy?"

"Sorry."

"Please," begged Schneider. "Today's my birthday."

"Oh, all right," said the boy, "Happy birthday to you. .. happy birthday to you. .. happy birthday dear Schneider. .. your sister is dead."